Well, I can confidently say that August did not go at all like I thought it would. I was hoping to complete a book, make progress on the job hunt and really just enjoy the dog days of summer.
I did none of that.
In fact, I did the opposite of that. I ended up burning out and giving into my depression pretty spectacularly. I’ve battled depression off and on since I was a kid, and this year has really been hard. Especially as we go further into the year and we get closer to the new year and I lose sight of the goals that I wanted to accomplish this year that will now have to go to next year, like writing and publishing a book. Or two.
The biggest one that gets me is the job hunt. At the beginning of August, I had just come off a job interview with a big company and had applied for a role where I know someone and should hopefully at least get an interview, right? Well, the first one is still just “in progress” and multiple attempts to follow up have been unsuccessful and the second one is taking their time with applications.
There’s a big secret you should know about me - I am not a confident person, at all. I am a firm believer that any time I show any ounce of confidence in anything, the universe will properly shut me down and bite me in the ass. This was another one of those moments, I was so confident I had to get at least one of those jobs and yet, I still have nothing to show for it.
While the month started off with some real, honest hope between the jobs and getting to spend a day with family, it quickly devolved. The second weekend, I threw my back out walking up the stairs, and that took a few days to recover from. I have a cyst that has finally broken through and its taking its sweet time to heal, so I’ve missed an entire month of pool time, too.
In that time, too, my boyfriend decided to revive his Nintendo Switch and bought me my favorite game - Stardew Valley - on it, so I have been playing a ton of that recently. That game means so much to me and maybe some day I’ll write about it but I do have a tendency to go at it hard when I’m feeling down.
Even now, I’m trying to do better in September and I still feel the itch to go play. I think I love Stardew Valley in part because even when you don’t feel like it - you’re making progress toward something, and I do not feel like I have done that at all recently.
Everything I do is feeling like “one step forward, two steps back” and I know I’m trying to claw my way out of my funk because instead of being sad, I’m getting irritated with it.
So, August did not go like I planned. At all. But it’s over, and it’s done, and I don’t have to relive it again. Thank goodness.
What I Watched
Supernatural
Lucky on Apple TV (just watched the pilot)
Tried to watch Dallas Cowboys football, but preseason games are apparently blacked out if you live in Texas but not the DFW market….
What I Read
Ungodly Rich by Katharine McGee
Catch Her if You Can by Tessa Bailey
How to Kill a Guy in 10 Dates by Shaliee Thompson
The First Ladies by Marie Benedict and Victoria Christopher Murray
What I Listened To
Petal by Ariana Grande
Some of Dolly’s greatest hits
Stages by Lauren Alania