My Word of the Year

I still believe in it, but so far, I have not lived it.

I’ve tried to write this post so many times and my heart just feels heavy about it. The past few years have been hard, especially on my career. On many people’s careers.

Just on life. And there has to be someway to reset and jumpstart my year and my life vision. And I think part of why I’ve struggled to write this post is because I have been struggling so much. The last three weeks have left me depressed, anxious and drained in a way I didn’t even know.

I want to believe the future will be better, it’s in my nature as a futurist (CliftonStrengths for the win). But it’s getting harder and harder to do that everyday, when I feel depleted.

Which is how I landed on my word of the year - what’s the opposite of depleted? I’d say replenish.

I think the first definition really speaks to me more - to fill something up again. To fill up my energy, my desire for life, my creativity.

I’m not living that right now. With this job change, I feel like I am in survival mode. Surviving to the next paycheck. Surviving until my company decides they don’t need any of my skills and lays me off. Surviving, not thriving.

And even if things were things were to change tomorrow - a new job that pays well, better insurance, a role where I feel like I actually contribute. A better sleep schedule, more energy to write - even if all of those things changed tomorrow, it would still take time to replenish and fill myself up. I hope those things that I need come soon rather than later, because I know I have to build myself back up.

Build stamina, build some savings, build up my creative muscle again. Right now, those just aren’t things I can do.

So, we work toward the goal of being able to replenish, even if we aren’t there yet. I hope we are soon.